A Boy And A Wolf

My horoscope for the day reads :
"Feeling more withdrawn, you're now either engrossed in the past or past mistakes contact you. There's no rush to do anything this week. Take time to follow your intuition, get in touch with your inner self and respect your dreams. Meditation could also help to calm old hurts."

It freaks the shit out of me sometimes, when horoscope readings can be so right & accurate.

I wonder how much more of this looks real to people.
I feel like I'm playing a role in a dramatic plot in the series.
You've heard of the story of a boy and a wolf.
Will I survive as the boy, if I'm yelling for the third time?
Will people still believe me?

If Only

If only there was a miracle,
If only there was no reality, no facts,
If only there was no difference in our current lives,
If only there was no distance,
If only our foundation was strong,
If only we were mutual,
If only we were compatible,
If only we complimented each other,
If only we'd not given up,
If only we'd made things right,
If only we'd loved each other enough,
If only we could turn back time,
If only things could be different,
If only all the if's don't have to exist... it would've been the most beautiful possible happy ending.

Of Stories In Songs

When I was going through bad times in the recent months...

如果你也听说 有没有想过我

像普通旧朋友 还是你依然会心疼我

跌跌撞撞才明白了许多

懂我的人就你一个

想到你想起我 胸口依然温热

**************************

When I was painfully missing you...

Hey 我真的好想你

太多的情绪 没适当的表情

最想说的话我(应)该从何说起

你是否也像我一样在想你

**************************

When I found some comfort & strength enough to let go...

与其让你在我怀中枯萎

宁愿你犯错后悔
让你飞向梦中的世界

留我独自伤悲

与其让你在我爱中憔悴

宁愿你受伤流泪
我非要你尝尽了苦悲

才懂真情可贵

*********************

When I felt sane enough to rationalize fate...

我活了 我愛了 我都不管了
心愛到瘋了 恨到酸了就好了
可能的 可以的 真的可惜了
幸福好不容易 怎麼你卻不敢了呢？
我還以為我們能 不同於別人
我還以為不可能的 不會不可能

*********************

When I thought of how we'd gone wrong...

又站在你家的门口我们重复沉默
这样子单方面的守候

还能多久

*********************

Of the times when I felt how impossible it is to let go...

你给的依靠 我放不掉

你给的微笑 还在嘴角

我的骄傲 是你的好

我想回报 你却转身走掉

*********************

Of the times when I wanted so much to see you, but did not...

有一種想見不敢見的傷痛 有一種愛還埋藏在我心中

我只能把你 放在我的心中

這一種想見不敢見的傷痛 讓我對你的思念越來越濃

我卻只能把你 把你放在我心中

對你的聲音 你的影 你的手

我發誓說我沒有忘記過

*********************

Of the times I needed words of encouragement to stay rational...

解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手

你有自由走我有自由好好过

解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走

这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦

*********************

我开始害怕

我真的好害怕。

如果我真的放不下你，我该这么办？

如果几年后，我还是一样的那么爱着你，我又该这么办？

我好害怕面对。面对陌生的未来，面对没有你在我身旁的将来。

我说过我会努力。可是我真的可以吗？

It's The Final Curtain Call

You know what's funny?
That it feels like I'm breaking up all over again.
Only this time, on a clearer note, and in a somewhat matured way. The right way of putting this is, matured, at least, in our terms.

Last night marks a two-way communication, something which we've lost so long ago. So long that I wish I could turn back time to make things right again where it had gone wrong.
I'm feeling such heavy mood today, I guess it's only ascertained by the fact that I know, this is an official cue for us to now part ways. I've wondered why I'd never wanted to take this conversation to the next level. I guess deep down I didn't want to see this day coming.

Just earlier yesterday, a good friend of mine told me, "That's your problem, you're digging your own grave, and now you're plunging deeper and deeper into your own grave. You're supposed to emerge stronger, living better, looking at a positive and brighter side of things, but you're only getting more and more dejected. You're letting me down." He was right, I knew.

You know what's the worse part of all?
It's how I've not realised, and I've taken for granted, how much all these are affecting our mutual friends and draining their energy away. I've failed to foresee how we're putting them into very difficult positions in between us. And it's now my call, to take a step ahead for not making things worse.

Sigh...
God, please guide me through the right way, and make me a stronger person.
Please give me strength, and courage, to endure everyday as I go.
Please help me be a better person to weather the storm everyday.

今天的战斗

我很讨厌我自己这样。

飘飘荡荡的。

我真是搞不懂你爱人的方式。

关于你，我实在不能够很彻底的放下。

为什么？

即使有的是勇气，理智，疲惫的心，我竟然还是没办法。

我很想知道上天到底安排了什么样的计划，什么样的缘分，什么样的命运。

我好好奇，也很害怕。

我真的能够顺利通过这次考验，渡过这次难关马？

我真的可以吗？

Entagled

Last four months have been one of the most complicating and difficult phases I've ever been through. Not counting the months that will continue to be. The thought of discovering myself, and then found that I was actually lost, and re-discovering myself, and getting lost again, then found myself again, and... well, you get the picture.

Sometimes you've been using the same approach to handle the same issues for years. Somehow that would be the very same indication that it's time you start using a totally different approach to tackle it thereafter.

It's been a while... yet the wound's as fresh as if it was only yesterday. I constantly tried not to go there. To relive that same misery that was months ago. And everyday is an effort of relinquishing the fort that still holds parcels and pieces of treasured importance entwined between two lives. The very same two lives who, in the course of nature, drifts apart. Such prominence, such synergy.

I hope in a few months down the road, I'd be able to tell, what is, and what's not. And have a clearer answer to myself.