Snippets

I know I haven't written my thoughts for a while.

I have been very detached from my blog for a few reasons.

1. That I thought I should be protective of my personal thoughts and not conveniently expose myself so openly to the public. At least to the netizens' public.

2. That I wanted to be discreet about certain things and me penning down my thoughts would probably deceive just that.

But today, I'm gonna allow myself to do this. Just today.

I consciously have a subconscious thought and imagination of things that brings out the deepest fear in me.

When I did sit down and think quietly to myself, I figured, it's really, simply because, I have a low self esteem. I really do. There are so many things, I thought I deserved, and I thought I had the strength and confidence to motivate myself with, only to know, if it wasn't for the very specific dependency that existed, there really isn't any motivation left of myself.

To the outside world, I know this sounds very vague.

But to my world, I saw many many reflections of this.

I've asked myself, if I really had the courage, if I were to have a go at it myself.

I think I pretty much know the answer that I wouldn't.

Am I very much in my comfort zone?

Sometimes I think I've not fallen hard enough.

Imagine people who, in a very short period of time, lost everything that mattered to them, and came out so much stronger.

I ask myself if I could have that equivalent value of strength.

And I know very distinctively, that I'm weak.

I want to say today, that I felt blessed that when I felt emptiness inside, there's a true friend, who was there, givingly, accompanying me generously, not asked a word of what was wrong, understood and respected the space I needed, but at the same time knew that I needed laughter, and fed me just that. I truly am grateful of friends like these God has blessed my life with. Just what I needed, standing by me.