雪菱，加油！

李雪菱， 別再执著了。
说再多，想再多，也没用的。
你一定要振作起来。
你可以的。
別再钻牛角尖了。
即使再痛，再苦，也要承下去。
你可以的，加油！

You'll Be Alright

It's okay, SherLin.
Be strong.
You can do it.
Hang in there, you'll do just fine.
Things will be alright again.
Even if it's tough.
Even if you don't see a brighter day now.
Just hang in there.
You'll be alright.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Be strong.
:)

我知道, 是矛盾。。。

对不起。

我知道我很固执。

我真的没办法放下。

还以为我可以很坚强的面对。我始终不够坚强。

我不是没有试过。或许我不够努力。

原来你对我来说真的很重要。可以说是超过我想象的重要。也可以说是无法取代的。

我很无奈。

很想知道我现在的感受到底是什么。

是觉悟吗？是遗憾吗？是愧疚吗？

我的心很乱。很不舒服。很矛盾。

知道我累了。也知道你累了。但还舍不得放弃。

承认了是不合。承认了是痛苦。但还没办法解脱。

很想知道，你放弃了吗？你放下了吗？你最近过的还好吗？你开心吗？

今天，看了医生，回家休息，多希望你有在我身边。真的好想念你。觉得心很痛，心里很难受。

你很坚强，你也很清楚自己要的是什么。多希望我也可以拥有一样的斗志。

Music As Brain Food

There are just certain songs that spurs certain memories, certain thoughts, certain emotions.

As I listen to this, I thought of how, in these years, I've always been revolving around you.
And how I should now start learning, to not love for the sake of loving, to let go, to live my life, revolving away and apart from you.




你的姿態 你的青睞 我存在在你的存在
你以為愛 就是被愛 你揮霍了我的崇拜

我活了 我愛了 我都不管了
心愛到瘋了 恨到酸了就好了
可能的 可以的 真的可惜了
幸福好不容易 怎麼你卻不敢了呢？

我還以為我們能 不同於別人
我還以為不可能的 不會不可能

風箏有風 海豚有海
我存在在我的存在
所以明白 所以離開
所以不再為愛而愛
自己存在 在你之外

... that I'm not strong enough

I had the most depressing day today.

So depressing that I... actually couldn't hold my tears in the monorail on my way back from work today.

It's odd. And ironic.
I had so much ego in me to much less show any PDA, public display of affection in the public all through the years.
And yet, today, I had to endure not being able to hold back my tears in the public transport.

Do you believe in the domino's effect?
That when one bad thing happens, then the pursuit of all bad things follow?
I had a terrible time at work today. The worst in history, by far. And whatever followed, just made it worse.

I didn't want to be negative. Honestly. In fact, I've been handling perfectly okay these days.
I didn't allow myself choices to revisit any of the memory lanes. Let alone feel sorry for myself.

But do you know what's worse?
Just when I thought, I'm doing better, I realised I'm not.
That when I'm on the verge of breaking down, you had to come into my mind.
And I felt defeated.
Defeated to a point where I feel I'm hopeless without you.
And I felt bad, that I'm not strong enough.

Quick Read - Ratatouille for 2010

My left hand's shaking. Like tremoring, non-stop, involuntarily. =.="

Like parkinson's. (*Touch lots of wood*) :(

I wonder why. Could it be too much spring cleaning?

I can't hold my nail clippers properly. Darn.

And as I type now, it's still tre-trrre-morr-rriiinnggg. Haiyo.

I had a quick read today on Lilian Too's feng shui predictions of 2010 Year of the Tiger on my zodiac ratatouille in particular.

I think this has to be specially dedicated to the both of you, BC & Sean. (don't know if you're reading.. haha)
Found out that Wood Rats (26 years old) coupled together, would specially have eyes for each other, and would be spreading positive energy to not only each other, but also to the people around them like friends and family.
I like this! ;-)
Maybe I should go get myself the book to read further.

Spring Cleaning

Sher Lin is doing some spring cleaning to her room and to her heart today.

She's hoping she can sort out old and new stuffs apart, pack, and organize them accordingly.

Like the old clothes hanging in the wardrobe that she has never mustered enough courage to part ways with.

Or like that emptied favourite perfume bottle that she never garnered enough logical senses over sentimental values to throw away.

Or like that lovely photo frame which has age-old vivid yet obscure and foggy photo appearance which she never gathered enough justification to replace with.

She's hoping today she'll do just that.