It's Still Day 2

I haven't been behaving today.

I realise my efforts of staying strong through this do occasionally go to waste.
Every now and then, there's just glimpses of the past, making their way through to the present.
Am I... allowed, to stumble my way so oftenly, along the road to recovery?
There must be a reason why giving you up can be so difficult.
There must also be a reason, why is it that I'm exceptionally vulnerable when it comes to you.
It's not like I've never been through breakups before. It's not like I've never had failed relationships before. And it's not like, I've never had my heart broken before. And it's certainly not like, I've never been through worse than this before.
But there must be a reason, why the heart is particularly fragile, when it comes to you.
I guess I must be able to accept this fact, before I could really move on, on my own again.
Accept, that despite the anger and hatred I have within, that it obviously shows I do love you.
Accept, that I'm also angry at myself, for still loving you, after all you've done.
It could've been beautiful, if it worked out the right way, with mutual respect, with mutual understanding.
At the rate this is going, there is no way, things can be undone.
I think I really should start unwrapping the layers of protection I have had for the relationship.
I really want to learn to say goodbye, to close this chapter, for good.

放过我的过去，也放过我自己。