Back To Basics

I'm learning.
Everytime I caught myself thinking of you, of us, I switched my focus elsewhere.
I think it's slowly working.
I probably am starting to grow out of denial stage.
I learned to allow myself to smile, to laugh now.
It hits me off-handed sometimes, if I'll ever get over you, over this. And I get anxious. I get worried.
But I think I'm slowly learning now.
Slowly applying the philosophical theories.
Learning that the right relationship should bring out the best in us. And not miserably.
My heart still cringes at the thought & possibility that you'll find someone new, that could do just that. Bringing out the best in you. The thought that you'll be happy not being with me, is still painful. But I try pushing this thought aside, knowing I'm just going to be biting off too much than I could chew on.
I dare not say if I could draw a very clear line against the do's and the dont's, the should's and the shouldnt's, in handling this.
But I think I'm slowly learning.
I think I'm slowly learning to let go.
I think I'm slowly getting used to this.
I think I'm going back to basics.

You..

You came. You conquered. And you left.

Except that you took away many things along with you.
Like,
My sanity.
My laughter.
My sense of judgment.
My comfort zone.
My objectiveness.
And,
My hopes.

SherLin's Yada

Am still in the office - waiting for my dinner appointment.
Am bored to bits. Not doing my work. Can't use any IM Tools. Can't FB.
I have so much to do. So little time. Yet, not in the right state of mind.
Something's very wrong with me.

Focus. Motivation. Inspiration.
Where are all of you, I need you. Please.

It's times like these I feel bad about not being responsible enough.
Adulthood, they say.

What does it feels like, really?
To feel like you're enjoying life, making the most out of each passing day, young at heart?
I can't remember when was the last time I enjoyed doing something. Just for fun.

Negativity. Still no inspiration.

I think I'm getting used to this mode of silence. Keeping mum. At least on the mouth, that is.

Long Due... Long Due....

Sher Lin wakes up. (as in, literally, the *brain wakes up*, not like wake up from sleep kinda waking up)
Sher Lin thinks to herself "What is there to cry for? No more unworthy tears"

The tables must turn this time around...
And I should have the upper hand...

A wise man told me "You set your own goals, and you stick with it. Why should you let anything ruin that for you? You don't have to escape from anything"

This will serve as my own reminder, for all times.

I should be happy celebrating over a burden released that is long due.

And I shall not be afraid, even if you try to shake me again.

Sher Lin tells herself she can be strong, and she'll be able to walk out of this, tall, in stride!

Life Size Pinocchio

I'm a liar.
I'm lying.
I'm a life size pinocchio.
When I say I don't hate you for what you do to me, I do. But it only hurts more when I say I do.
When I say I don't want to see you anymore, I do. But it only hurts more if I do.
When I say I hope you'll be happier without me for the better, I'm lying. I don't want you to be happy without me. But it only hurts more to say so.
At times it's just... painful. Painful to be strong.

*********************************************************************************

A Promise

I'm making a promise to myself today. : )
This will be the last heartbreak I'll ever get from him. Ever.
I'll move on and I'll move forward.
I'll keep believing there are better days tomorrow.
Promise.

Feeling Afraid

I feel... afraid.
I can't seem to get flashes of events out of my head.
My conscience is always split into two.
One, to close the chapter. Two, to not give up just yet.
I wish I'm stronger.
I kickstarted every morning with rude awakening from cold hard dreams, followed by lying awake on my bed trying to take in the reality, and then with lots of thoughts flooding my mind.
At times, I just feel the need to question, why did he give up on us. I know it's no longer a valid question. And it certainly did me no good by wanting answers.
I dread going out there to face my daily routines. I'm tempted to go back to how things were before it happened. I don't know how to detach.
I feel alone.