Blah Blah Blahs From The Office

I get so easily tired these days.

It must have been the numerous unnecessary stress from the office.

Feels like I'm a few years older in a few months! :(

There comes a point where I just couldn't enjoy my weekend because all I was thinking of was the piling unfinished work.

There also comes a point where I just dread going to the office every single morning.

What's worse is that, I'm so fed up of listening to myself grumble and rattle about stuff at the office that I find myself becoming a nagging grandmother!

It has become so bad, that I wish I had just made a decision then and there, even without the basis of a backup plan.

I know, irrational you'd say...

But heck, I treasure my health and quality of life more than you think I do!

And this whole stress thing is sipping energy out of me every single day of the week.

Just don't know why I'm putting myself through such miserable demotivation that burns through my already unexciting life. -_-"

How pathetic...............

Promising myself I'm not gonna let this whole thing drown my any deeper!

Hello, Hello....

Hello April, and hello everyone!

I know I'm guilty of charge! Been MIA (missing in action) from my blog for a very very long time (for my standards) haha...

It's been long enough for me to kinda forget my login password to blogspot. Lol. I had to re-try a few times lor....

To start off, April has been pretty good to me (aside from the workload & bitches at work in the office... pardon my language... I seriously need an outlet... ah well, dramatic office politics... never-ending, don't they?), and apparently has been really good for the people around me too! That's good news, eh?

Whoever said rats don't fair well this tiger year? I hope we fair tremendously well for the rest of the year! (Okay, I know I know.. it's only April... too soon to tell & forecast for the rest of the year, haha). Things are finally looking like they're all starting to fall into the right places. And I'm feeling a lot of those happy vibes. Looking forward to more happy news to come! =)

Yup, I think I'm ready to face the world! Here I come... haha

Endless Love - Glee Cast Version

One of the many many songs from Glee's version which I'm addicted to now. Seriously.

I think I should sing this on my own wedding day. LOL.

A Little Gal's Naive Fantasy

When I was younger, and when I made myself a TV addict, I had loved dramatic love stories/dramas. The more dramatic, the better. Literally. Minus the ones you find in Korean love dramas, where you end up finding out the guy's the gal's brother of same father, different mother kinda stories. No, not that kinda dramatic. But dramatic to an extent where you'd cry your lungs out and felt so much for the pair of lovers on screen. As if you were living in their shoes.

And I'd often cursed that typical third party character, like the ex-gf, or the potential fiancée/wife-to-be, or the long-term gf who couldn't seem to just understand that their guy is not into them anymore, that they're now in love with the very sweet-genuine-generous-kind hearted main lead gal. There was always a very clear cut/only-black-and-white-no-gray kinda sensibility and rationale in my very naive heart, thinking how love is that pure and all it should matter is I love you & you love me, you have eyes for me & I have eyes for you. I was very young. And third parties were like god-sent witches. Back then I used to so admire the strength and courage of the two main leads to have struggled and fought against all odds to be together. And that the victory would be when the witch finally gave in and gave up on her whatever sorceries to stop them from loving each other, and that they're finally together, and lived happily-ever-after. (It's in italic, because as I grew, I knew it was just an assumption, an impression that was left from the very long exposure towards the perfect-world on screens).

I said I was naive.

Naive, because it is only when I grew up, that I knew this.

It did take a lot of courage and strength to have stood up and fought for the love you know will be returned. Just like the main leads do.

But it took much greater courage and strength, to be the witch, to have fought for the love you know will never be returned. And it took even more generosity, to have finally step down and raise a white flag, just so you could see the one you love happy.

Can I now say, to all witches I'd ever cursed on screens before, I, Honestly, Salute You!

Snippets

I know I haven't written my thoughts for a while.

I have been very detached from my blog for a few reasons.

1. That I thought I should be protective of my personal thoughts and not conveniently expose myself so openly to the public. At least to the netizens' public.

2. That I wanted to be discreet about certain things and me penning down my thoughts would probably deceive just that.

But today, I'm gonna allow myself to do this. Just today.

I consciously have a subconscious thought and imagination of things that brings out the deepest fear in me.

When I did sit down and think quietly to myself, I figured, it's really, simply because, I have a low self esteem. I really do. There are so many things, I thought I deserved, and I thought I had the strength and confidence to motivate myself with, only to know, if it wasn't for the very specific dependency that existed, there really isn't any motivation left of myself.

To the outside world, I know this sounds very vague.

But to my world, I saw many many reflections of this.

I've asked myself, if I really had the courage, if I were to have a go at it myself.

I think I pretty much know the answer that I wouldn't.

Am I very much in my comfort zone?

Sometimes I think I've not fallen hard enough.

Imagine people who, in a very short period of time, lost everything that mattered to them, and came out so much stronger.

I ask myself if I could have that equivalent value of strength.

And I know very distinctively, that I'm weak.

I want to say today, that I felt blessed that when I felt emptiness inside, there's a true friend, who was there, givingly, accompanying me generously, not asked a word of what was wrong, understood and respected the space I needed, but at the same time knew that I needed laughter, and fed me just that. I truly am grateful of friends like these God has blessed my life with. Just what I needed, standing by me.

Hiccups : The Myth Of It

Been hiccuping non-stop for the past half an hour.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I thought I wanted to search up some superstitions/myth or stuffs like that to justify why there's unending hiccuping. Like, I don't know, maybe someone's backstabbing you max or something along the lines. -_-"

And see what I found?

I like the answer.

So yea, no such superstition, okay?
But don't worry, you're still cute if you thought there was a myth behind it. -_-"

What I'm Yearning For..

If I wanted life to be easier for me, am I, by default, a spoilt brat, someone who's not able to go through thick and thin, face challenges?

I think when you reach a point where inspiration becomes scarce, that's when you should throw yourself some changes.

And I'm longing to get some.

Such negativity, creeping in, seeping into, day in day out.

I don't wanna be immuned to negativity, I don't wanna become a programmed human-robot.

There are things I so insanely wish I could pursue.

But there are also things that I so sanely understand needs time.

If there was no everyone, if there was just me, decisions could be so much swifter.

But there was everyone, and I needed everyone to be in an orderly manner, so I can't just abandon.

Am I even asking for too much, if I only wanted things to go my way?