Handicapped : Day 3

I think to say that I'm handicapped is over-rated and over-stated.
I'm fine now. The larger spots are healing, so I hope I'll be fine even sooner than expected (I hope). The occasional itch is much more bearable than it was days ago. So I think it's safe to say that I shouldn't continue to be feeding off sympathy. Well, not all are sympathy, some are genuine concerns, I know. And I'm grateful that people around me make it a point to care for my general well-being. To the extent of helping me wipe my workstation to clear off the oil residue which chemical has given me such great inconvenience throughout the past few days. Thanks!

To date, I think this is my first attempt in trying to enter a blog post in the workplace. And I have a reason to justify that. I'm feeling miserable. Period.

Miserable at my current state of the relationship. And I know I risk doing the PDA (Public Display of Affection), or rather in this case, Public Display of Emotions. Rest assured, it is NOT my intention, I swear. I just figured this is my only avenue that will help me feel better, that's all.

I've been through thick and thin with him for the past 5 years. 5 is an odd number, it isn't too long, it isn't too short. What I do know however, is that 5 years have somewhat drained most of my energy away. And I thought 5 multiplies all the effort put in, would be more than convincing to last us a lifetime. I was wrong. Things were never enough. I don't want to sound unfair to anyone at this point of time, but I feel numb and unappreciated. Period. For many years throughout, most of my focus and energy were channelled to the relationship. I didn't think I even segregate that much amount of attention to other areas which deserved just as much attention - my career, my family, my friends. And I allowed that to happen. For all the kind & nice impression that I stroke a well-balanced focus, I don't deserve it, I don't qualify. I could've done better, honestly. Now that I'm all drained-out, probably I should start switching focuses already. For all it's worth, I do love him. But I'm tired. And I'm running out of strength, courage, and faith altogether. A relationship between two very different individuals requires a great degree of effort and a major measure of time to be nurtured. But all we do, is destroy it time and time again. The speed at which we destroy it is so much faster than the speed at which we nurture. It was as if we couldn't wait to put more scars into it. At the rate we're going, I wouldn't think the whole confidence or faith for that matter, was given the opportunity to heal or recover by itself before we started destroying it all over again. And THAT, is unhealthy. So, what do I do now?