My Sincere Prayer

It's not until today, that I deeply feel how life is so capable of being dramatic to you and turn you helpless.

Simply put in the most cliche statement - life can be a bitch, and life can give you hell.

When I've been worrying about the most minuscule things in life, I came to know about the bigger world out there. I may have my weight on my shoulders, we've all had such weights, but you, my dearest friend, you're facing the biggest bite of reality in this dramatic order of the world. I felt so tiny knowing just how brave you are, facing this.

If only there was anything I could do to help you in this trying time.

I'm praying for you - for clarity of mind, and for strength at heart. This much I can do for you.

I sincerely hope you'd get through this. I know you won't give up, and I know you'd be standing face to face & you'd negotiate each and every such challenge to the last of your effort.

Know that I'll stand by you. Let's be tough & get through this. I know it won't be easy. I'll walk with you through this, I promise :)

Recognizing That Grey Space

Somewhere along those lines, between the black & white, there's grey.

Grey was never a widely-known recognized area of fact.

For all of its existence, grey was almost always unjustified.

And grey was a space associated with denial.

I grew up recognizing blacks & whites in life, the areas we commonly know as right & wrong... but not the grey.

I also grew up being judgmental towards grey.

But today's one of those days where grey becomes one of the most neutral space I've ever known.

I know the world was judging my grey.

I also know, I could only satisfy that much of the world.

Picking Up

I should be crowned the laziest blogger within the netizen world.

Can definitely win hands down.

Thank God I don't blog for a living. Will probably starve to death by now. -_-

And thank God even more that I don't blog to please.

I think I have a few good things to be grateful about these days.

I don't remember having that much interrupted sleeps anymore. Which means I probably am happier. (Either that, or I'm probably getting old & getting tired pretty easily, hmm!)

I think my wellness coaching consultant will be darn happy to know that I actually DO sleep before 11pm. How miraculously "well-balanced". LOL.

And yes, about that wellness coaching. Long story. But to cut it short, it was probably one of those experiences you would get by seeing a psychiatrist, or errm... counsellor? Yea, that sounded better - counsellor.

Not quite sure if it goes to show that big boss suspected I had super unhealthy lifestyle or worse... mental disorder/breakdown. Hence the white mouse specimen = me, to try out the sessions. -___-

Things have been looking up so far. Or it's just me having a slightly (like seriously, slightly) positive outlook. I hope this stays the same, if not better. :)

Pray

I guess somewhere within that decision lies a piece of me that I've misplaced for a long time.

I hope I'll find myself sooner than later!

*pray for peace at heart and wishing myself all the best*

:)

Back To Reality

Ahh, back from Taiwan and not quite happy to come home :(

Wish I could stay longer... and I meant long term-ly longer - soul searching or work or take a short study course there or something...

It wasn't exactly running away, but this 5-days escape made me feel every bit less suffocated.

I wasn't overly excited or overly having that much fun... but for a while now until last week, I finally felt I was actually breathing. And I felt that weight off my shoulders. I was happier, and I haven't been happy in a long time.

Coming back to reality just reminds me of depressing stuffs, depressing thoughts.

If anything better to rejuvenate, I could do a long term vacation - away from here.

The Boy & His Sheep

There's that story, of a boy who watches over his herd of sheep.

He told lies. And for that, he lost his sheep when the real wolf came.

He was given only two chances.

I gave so much more than that.

This story, though, ends differently.

Dear Blog

Dear blog,

That die-hard pattern is slowly emerging.

Do you think this is a sign?

Wide awake at 3am now not knowing what I could do - that couldn't be good.

I'm that lost that I wish there's a manual to guide me on how to handle things like that.

This heart has seen through most things and yet, here I am, dazed, again.

Is this really really the one decision that I made wrong, to which is costing me so much.

Did I ask for this myself?