Goodbye, Love

Saying goodbye is always the hardest...

To someone who's been there, around, and deeply connected to me... drawing a fine yet definite line across is hard.

Things will never be the same, I know. Afterall, I've had you for a quarter of my lifetime.

There are so many things you've taught me, moulded me into, that makes me part of who I am today.

Despite the pain I'm going through, I know deep down, you've generously planted seeds of achievements and good memories in me. In the mind, and in the heart.

Although, it is almost impossible to say that we've been perfect together, I'm awfully grateful that the genuinity is undeniable.

The pain can be inevitable, but with that, I know I've loved for real. And so I'm hurting for real. I don't regret.

If this is unavoidable, then for the least of it, I'm glad that we're no longer hurting each other now.

陶喆 (David Tao Zi) - 你的歌

29th Sept 09

I'm feeling emotional and torn today.
I can't help but think of the past, the present, and the seemingly far future.
I wanted so much, to just cry, out loud. Like how babies do.
I'm stopping myself from asking the why's, and the if's.
It's hard knowing what to do, yet not being able to get there.
I foresee myself being happy again, but I want it now. It feels so far to reach.
I think of all the inter-relation. And I think of how I'm gonna cut them all off, clearly, violently, ruthlessly. I tried going the merciless way, but it only hurts more.
So much that it feels like the only thing that can cure, is to lose my memory, for now.

Fortunate

If there's one thing I feel positive about right now, it's how grateful I know I am in times like these.

To my parents who've seen me been through this countless times before, but yet knows it best when they welcome me home with warm open arms, I'm truly thankful.

To my sis who's like 5 years younger and suppose to be looking up to me as a role model, but yet seemingly responding to my ultimate depression, I'm truly thankful.

To my friends who've been standing by me, through all my many roller coaster rides emotionally throughout this relationship, for accompanying me at ridiculous hours, for almost literally repeating words of comfort, I'm truly thankful.

You all made me realise I'm not alone, that I belong. And that made me feel better. :)

What's Most Important

I finally learned that there is never, and never will be a good time to be going through a break up process.

It really didn't matter if you're 20 years old, 25 years old, or 30 years old.
It didn't matter if you've not gone through one before, or have gone through plenty before.
It didn't matter if you've prepared yourself as much to foresee the worst.
There still isn't a good time.

Things are always inter-related. Especially in a relationship. Where more than 1 person's inclusive. Yes, inclusive is the word, not exclusive. It's a connection between two people afterall. And it's only humane that pain is involved.

I really don't know how long it will take me, to stand tall and strud my walk again.
Don't know when I'll be able to have that confidence again, that motivation again, that completeness again. But for the least of it, in between all the falling tears, I know that now, what I do have, is an answer. And that's most important.

7am, 27th Sept '09

It's 7am. I hadn't had sleep the whole night.
My brain's tired. My heart's tired too.
I packed my stuff, all my stuff, and came back home at 6am, in the wee hours of the morning.
I couldn't stay there. No, not after what I've been through the entire endurance.
I'm not going to deny it. I'm not going to pretend like I'm fine.
I've been numbing myself for so long now I know I have to accept that it will hurt. Lots. But it's still going to happen, regardless.
If there's anyone who's been mistreating me, it's myself. How could I have had kid myself for so long, and think that a miracle could save me.
I have to see this. I have to. Today onwards, I'm going to open my eyes, big, wide enough, to see, that this is what it is. It's not going to change. It's always going to be this way. And I don't have to accept it the way it is. Just because I think I should.

Drilling Thoughts

Apologise for being idly in the recent weeks on this space.
The only time you see me blog an entry, it would consists only of minimal words and of food pictures. I wish I had more time to spare for myself and for me to blog. Mind you, I still have plenty of food entries' photos to post on, they're all now sitting all over on different laptops & pen drives. Blame my unreliable hard disk. It's only more than a year old, and it so conveniently crashed on me. I plan to get myself a new one - wait... soon... (Please be patient with me while I try to organize and post these photos) =).

Work's been pretty frustrating lately. It's not the job... it's the people.
True enough that MNCs like these usually spend tons of money to get employee engagement right. A lot of the people dimension and aspects being focused on. But what are all those without the ppl themselves wanting to reflect themselves in the mirror, wanting to change? A true leader with good leadership qualities is someone who can manage different characters, they say. If that's so, I know I can't be a good leader. I don't change myself just to fit into a political circle. It shows on my face if I don't like someone, or when I'm angry. I don't excel in faking, or drama for that matter. It's not arrogance, it's being true to myself, and to the ppl around me. At least I don't become the best-est buddy in your whole world and go around poking your back like the most devilish enemy. At least, I don't pat your fur or worship you like you're never wrong, and then turn around and point my fingers at you. And that, is what I believe in. Being true to what I think, what I feel, and what I should do. And I think I have my personal rights to feel annoyed when I'm being annoyed. Why like have to pretend to be nice in such circumstances lah? Don't get it... Ppl just like harping on the most pettiest and minusculest issue. And does that get you anywhere better in work productivity and efficiency? No, not really. So what's the point? The point, apparently, to those ppl, is to waste some time, and at the same time create and enhance their visibility. See. How smart. Again, very political.

I wish everyday is a weekend. Or a public holiday.
At least even staying home boring-ly without nothing better to do is still far better than getting drowned in the political environment. It's just mind-exhausting.
I'm setting myself a target. I hope in time to come, my occupation reads : Self-employed. Business/working hours : Anytime I want/like.
Yea, I should buy more lotteries and visit Uncle Lim more.

Man In The Mirror - LeeHom's Version

See how he always have a way to make an existing song sounds nice in his own innovation? (Note the chink-ed out style incorporated in it).
I'm glad he's a supporter of Michael Jackson's music himself! (And I particularly like this song by MJ too).

Here's Man In The Mirror - LeeHom's version.

Must Love Restaurant, Kepong

I've been spending a lot of my weekends in Kepong recently.
And happily doing a lot of food-hunting around... Haha.
You'll get to see some of my 'hunting' outcome here on and off.

My 1st post on Kepong list of food to go for.

Behold...Must Love Restaurant (Yea... You must love it, honestly)

Their famous Bitter Gourd Vermicelli. Very nice... Even nicer for bittergourd lovers.

Just nice for me, not too bland, nor too bitter.

This is also another must-have. XO Loh Mee. Got a lot of seafood liu too!

Tried their Hot Plate Taufu too.

I'm not biased... but it's also one of the best hot-plate taufu dish I've tried in a very long time.

This is recommended by the lady who took our orders. Apparently it's a seasonal kinda dish and not in the menu (I didn't check). So we gave it a go. It's a combination of 3-meat-dish (there were chinese bullfrog - or what we know as tin kai, prawns, and calamari) cooked with assam sauce. Not too bad either... some new combination to try with. I like the sauce. :D

enter

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If you're salivating in front of your monitors, or hear your stomach growling now as you look at the pics, go on and try out this restaurant when you're in Kepong!

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Locate them at :

Address : No.16, Jalan Medan Putra 4, Medan Putra Business Center, Kepong, KL

Tel No : 012-384 4089

And guess what I just found out?

Found a link to a video by HoChak! recommending this restaurant too. Click here to watch!

Hard Disk Gone Liao...

My very kesian dissected PC.

(*Spot : no hard disk)

Sigh... It's official. I have to get myself a new hard disk. Another few hundreds to spend - all for a quite-brand-new-hard-disk-that-crashed. If only Uncle Lim donated some money to me over the weekend...

Post Merdeka Day

In the wee hours of 30th August, I conquered Broga Hill (yea la... I know... 'conquered' is not so much of a justifiable word in this case, if you compare with the likes of Mt KK or Mt Everest, so to speak).

But well... I woke up like 3.30am in the morning, had breakfast, and started our journey to Semenyih, and started our hike at like, 5+am! In the dark, okay. Without knowing what we were stepping on okay. (And ignoring the fact that it was the seventh month of chinese calendar, okay). Oh, Oh! And we so bercita-cita tinggi some more ... we didn't stop at the 1st peak... and no, not the 2nd peak neither, we went all the way to the 3rd peak okay! All that for the sake of watching a sunrise. So yeah... I super CONQUERED Broga Hill, okay! Convinced or not now? Haha. Let me show you some pics...

Time check : 6.22am - we were halfway up. I was err... already catching my breath. (Yea yea, laugh all you want). Haha.

enter

Time check : 7.17am. Unfortunately, this was as good as we could catch a glimpse of.

Cloud was pretty heavy that morning, signalling a heavy rainfall to follow.

We actually saw lightnings already on our way to Semenyih that morning, and we were quite lucky to have sensed the damp atmosphere, so we headed down to the foot of the hill just in time before the downpour started.

enter

You see those tiny spots of ppl standing on top of the big rock? That was where we were at the peak.

enter Bird's eye view from where we were, overlooking another peak of the hill.
Yeah.. It was a long weekend, there were more crowd that it usually attracts.
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A closer look of the crowd. Crowd was lessening already by then - strong winds and signs of drizzle.

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Headed downhill, went for breakfast (again). And......... went karaoke - with our muddy & sweaty attire (cheap mah, early morning, LOL).

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That night was Merdeka countdown celebration. Guess where I spent my merdeka eve at?

G-e-n-t-i-n-g. Yup. For fireworks - crowd was crazy. Very much crazier than the usual sardine-packed monorail on peak hours. No pictures to show (no space for hands to take photos also by the way). We're just so patriotic, aren't we?