Unwrapped, Finally..

I've had this for months now. It's been sitting on my shelf, and somehow, I never got to unpacking and toggling around with it until a couple of days ago. It's just gotten its official first battery charge in fact.

I guess life has a funny way of unfolding events.

I had not really talked about how this was my birthday gift earlier in August. Or how a thorough surprise's been planned for me to come home to a bouquet of pink roses in waiting that very day. Or how my birthday cakes this year were few little cute cupcakes from Delectable's. Or how I'd spent my birthday dinner over at Lookout Point, Ampang - a very simple dinner overlooking a spectacular night scene of the city.

I've talked about none of those. Partly because I thought it'd be effortlessly painful just to ransack that piece of memory, let alone talk about it. The months are passing by pretty quickly, and I think I've come around to my senses of making peace with my past. At least for now.

I wish now I have photos to show & capture those very moments. Unfortunately though, my PC's crashed before I've had a chance to have them uploaded here on this blog. Photos, videos, archives - gone, without a trace. So I guess my best bet would be to keep them all in here (*pats chest where heart is*) and here (*points at head to where the brain is*).

So yes, life's just funny that way. Life is, fate is.

But if it's not too late, and if you're reading this, though I doubt you are (and you know who you are), thank you for all the wonderful birthdays you've shared and spent with me, throughout the years.

Cynicism Backfired

If you've been watching dramas, you've probably come across skeptical scenes that go like these...

Scene A : Lead actress's wedding ring fell off her finger out of a sudden. Apparently, lead actor's met an accident elsewhere. In some circumstances, probably even halfway across the globe.

Scene B : Lead actress performing violin on stage. Suddenly, violin strings broke and fell apart. And scene went on to show lead actor's heart surgery wasn't successful, and he breathed his last breath.

Scene C : Lead actor's favourite watch or something suddenly rosak. And scene went on to show lead actress fainted along the streets, somewhere.

Okay, you get the picture.

I've been quite cynical when it comes to scenes like these. I've always thought, "Where's the logic?" and I've always assumed scriptwriters/directors/producers add these to make the drama scenes more flavourful. You know, things that make after-effects long lasting in dramas.

That is, until last 3 months. When I faced one such scenario myself.

I didn't quite see it coming. At that point of time. But now that I recall, I guess I'd been given a sign. The night before things happened, I broke a vase. A very nice special blue vase. It just broke. Like, it was on the shelf, steadily, had always been there, in that same position. Then all of a sudden, without strong wind (window wasn't even opened) or whatever, it just lost its balance and fell and broke. 'Til now, I still couldn't quite figure out what was the cause, or what went wrong with it.

Funny isn't it? Even more cynical to have put it this way.

But yea, now I think the scenes that were added to give dramas more uumph power, do make sense. Hmm...

李聖傑 [Li Sheng Jie] - 古老的大鐘

This song brought back my childhood memories!

I still remember when I was little, my piano teacher from Yamaha Music School actually taught us this. The title as I knew it was always "My Grandfather's Clock". And the lyrics in English goes :

My grandfather's clock
Was too large for the shelf,
So it stood ninety years on the floor;
It was taller by half
Than the old man himself,
Though it weighed not a pennyweight more.
It was bought on the morn
Of the day that he was born,
It was always his treasure and pride;
But it stopped short
Never to go again,
When the old man died.
Ninety years without slumbering,
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
His life seconds numbering,
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
It stopped short
Never to go again,
When the old man died.

Ok, the real song has a much longer lyrics & verse to it. But this was what I learnt as a kid - the shorter version of it. Never would I thought someone would re-sing it and make it into the mando-pop top hit charts. I guess that's the trend now. Improvise oldies and make it brand new again.

Take It Away!

Oh no!

Take it away from me! Now!

I meant that plastic card that made wonders.

A friend of mine calls it a wonder card.

Such convenience, such temptation, such damnation!

Christmas shopping should be made a sin. Haha.

That's it. Banning myself from using the card.

It's going to be a "Christmas Resolution". And Christmas will be over, in, erm, a few hours.

Hope you folks had fun celebrating Christmas. Congratulations if you made the celebration much healthier than mine, without needing to use any plastic cards.

Oh I think my tooth's acting up. Probably time to go visit the dentist soon.

But if I needed that crowning, I think my resolution will have to go down the water. Sigh.

I'm Excluded From A Tradition This Year

Every year this day for the past six years, I've been part of a tradition.

Tradition of a family, of a company, of a business association.

This year, I'm excluded.

I ought to learn how to get used to things as they change.

Adapt to new habits. New practices. New processes. New thoughts.

I've been too involved. Deeply-engaging and extensively-committing involved.

Nevertheless, Merry Christmas folks!

I hope your Christmases are as jolly as they could be. :)

If you're travelling for the holiday season, safe journey, safe trip!

To Dye Or Not To Dye?

A little help from all of you please...

Haha.

In view of the coming new year (and we're all supposed to embrace the new year with positive changes!), here's a little question I wanna throw, and *hope* I could get a little help with answers. Hehe.

Ok, here goes.

Should I :

a) Dye my hair?

b) Do rebonding?

c) Cut short? - as in not boy cut short, the slightly above shoulder length short la..

d) All of the above!

Kindly (please, please) drop me a comment on your valued thoughts. Haha.

Arigato gozaimasu!

林俊傑 [Lin Jun Jie] - 表達愛

Ok. I find this song quite sweet & romantic! :)

Flashbacks

I honestly... don't really like flashbacks.
The glimpses of sound promises, that vibe of happiness.
There's some sort of aversion, repugnance, whatever you call it, towards that very vibe. 反感.
'Coz it confuses me. It confuses my standpoint of view.

I wanted God to prove me wrong. To show me that you and I were really never meant to be.
That to the end of this chapter, it's a blessing in disguise.
And I wanted God to give me nothing left to prove, on traces of me loving you still.
That when I look back at this some years later, I'll be able to tell "you were right, to have let this go". Even if it's the case of either one of us hasn't found happiness yet by then.
It should only be that way.
'Coz I don't like recognizing that my self esteem & confidence's been severely injured throughout the years when I was with you. Now, that effect is somehow slowly settling in.
I don't like acknowledging how I don't find joy in a lot of things I used to be happy about anymore.

I used to think that the very minute I give up on my relationship, it would mean I give up reaping what I sow. And it's only stupid that I do so.
But now, I'd rather be in this position. Giving up. It only feels more sane.
The only setback is, I think I've underestimated my reliance towards you.
And I never really thought, the territory of dependency can be so overwhelming still, in a life that's been designed & accustomed with a habit without you in it over the months, and in the very heart that's been punctured with a hole.

I felt this very solemn melody as I write. : (
It's by Shi Xin Hui, titled "你给的".

Splitting Thoughts

I really do think I have a split mind.
How could the determination fickle so recklessly.
Whatever happened to the logic, the balance, the character of strength, the course of nature?

What was it really? Shouldn't time be de-magnifying things like that?
Time is passing so quickly already. So what was it?
I don't wanna be making vain efforts. Not this time.

A lot of things are starting to get clearer now.
And a lot of things are making more sense now.
I'm slowly picking up pace now.
Though I know the remembrance is here to stay.
And in a way, ignorance does help. In a good or bad way.
I guess for now at least.

Everyone, Please Say Hi To...

I should've posted this entry days ago when my excitement's all hyped up!
(I'm quite sure the post would be better then, rather than doing it now with a tired mind and body, desiring for nothing more but the inviting bed right there in my room! :p)
But, better late than never.

So everyone, say hi to....

My new boyfriend.

Yea, I'm gonna make him my new boyfriend. Maybe I should even start to think of a name to call it. Haha. You see the desperation?

Anyway, taken a few test shots to start off with.
No manual settings adjustment as yet, these are all on Auto.
Will make it a point to study up manual settings soon!

Randomly taken from the shop where I bought my new boyfriend from.

Snow falling at Pavilion's entrance, everynight throughout the Christmas season, for half an hour, from 8pm onwards.
(And yes, I did see that head blocking)

Now, moving on to food shots.

Tell me if it looks yummier than it should seem. Haha.

All taken from Pavilion's Food Republic.

That's all for this round folks! Hoping to have more nice pics rolling. *Fingers crossed*

林宥嘉 [Yoga Lin You Jia] - 說謊

Wanna share a nice song. = )

Confessions Of An, Err.. "Almost" Shopaholic

It was the most fulfilling retail therapy in a very long time! *wide grin*
Talk about satisfaction. Haha.
In all seriousness, I know that this much ecstasy is only temporary. And it will wear off when the monthly card statement comes. *cold sweat*

Nevertheless, I hereby confess, that whatever you do, and whatever it is, I'm so very convinced that money don't buy happiness. That's the golden rule, and it applies to everything in life. Yes, everything. It buys you pleasure, but it doesn't buy you happiness, for real.

Taking shopping as an example (I wanted to share a more serious tone of real-life examples I have in mind, but let's not bore you too much), you spend that much money to err... obtain/achieve that much satisfaction. It probably is a fair and worthwhile exchange for that very moment. But no, it doesn't heal that gap/hole inside you and make you complete.

So I wanna quote, and re-quote the very simple rule of all.
That the most important and expensive things in life, can't be bought with money.

Moving On?

I don't really know if I'm living in denial. Or avoidance for that matter.
A lot of times I just learn not to revisit the pain.
At every given chance to reminisce, I chose to learn to turn around and walk away from it.
And often, that felt better. Better, because the very act of walking away convinced me that the past will eventually start to seem distant, shadowy and blurry as I go.
It takes practice. And hopefully, practice makes perfect.
Sometimes I'd think living is easy.
But dealing with the pain in full force is like suicide.
But if I don't, then when will I ever learn to recover?
And when can this hollow deep down be healed?
When will I then, be whole and complete again to embrace the future out there?

Dreading Tomorrow

Tomorrow don't wanna go work, can or not?!

So sad lah, have to return to work. I don't feel like I've had enough rest.
The thought of returning to a pile of unfinished workload which is of almost 2 weeks old - Depressing!! I can almost feel the stress already. Sigh.

I've officially donated over xxx to Uncle Lim over the weekend.
In return of my generous donation, I get a lung full of smoke from inhaling second hand cigarette from the smokers. Hair still smells of smoke after effortful shampoo washes.

Can't wait for my next holiday!! *Pray hard*

December's Here

Not going to continue giving titles starting with 'Staycation Day xx' anymore.

I've officially lifted off work-stress over my shoulders. Finally.
Think I'm starting to sound like a workaholic, working throughout my leave days.
Not that I want to, but datelines left me no choice in particular.
Such sacrifices I make... yet I don't even know if this is a job or a career by its own means.

Ransacking my PC through the song collection.
It's been such a long time since I last enjoy just listening to songs. Random songs. Old songs.
Feels nostalgic revisiting nice songs that used to be so 'hit' and 'popular' over the years, but have been abandoned by the trend ever since.

I've forgotten how I've loved watching the city lights on a quiet night.
Or how I've loved just going for a drive in a car, and watch the sceneries of anything swiftly pass by.
I did both today. These were the times that felt so natural to lose myself in deep thoughts and rediscover myself.
Good to have some 'me' time, finally.

Bought a book yesterday to dive into during the next few days of my leaves.
Mitch Albom's 'Have A Little Faith'.
Let's hope it's inspiring enough to lift my spirits. :-)

Ahh, December's here. Christmas will be here soon. And New Year's soon after.
2009 hasn't necessarily been a great year, but let's hope it can end great nevertheless.
Let's also hope 2010 can kick off great too.

Staycation Day 5 : Of Reminiscence

Thank God for the friends whom I could count on.
For if it wasn't for them, I would've been hanging and clinging by the moment.
The gap of hole deep down hasn't really gotten much better.
Every little step I take ahead, feels like lifting a big rock off the pathway.
Some days I manage, and some days I don't.
Feeling sane could be a rarity these days.
I'm praying for more courage and clarity each and everyday as I go.
And I'm praying, that I do not lose my way, nor get carried away and lose my values along the way.
Two full months hasn't since felt like forever, yet so much has changed.
If you were to draw the exaggeration of these twist of events on a chart, it would've been a hyperbole in my 25 years of life.
Staying strong is one thing. Being able to distinguish from right to wrong, facts to emotions, truth to lies, is another.
Denial could be a lot easier to deal with. The hardest part is to take the blow, as it is.
If this was a test, it's definitely much tougher than any of the finance final papers I've sat for back in uni days. And back then I thought failing the paper was doom's day. Those fade in comparison now, they seem miniscule and no where near comparison.
I wasn't joking when I said I had very thin hope of what lies in the future. It certainly did feels so. Every bit as grey as it sounds.
The art of life is so full of vague vulnerabilities. Play it like a game, with all the preparation installed, and you still don't get to choose who wins the game, or who plays a good game at the end of it.